Sunday, January 16

Yeah... bit of a poet...

Don’t ever give up
On who you know you are.
Don’t let yourself go,
Don’t ever think that your not going to make it.

You know that life is short,
You gotta make the best of it.
You know that you can’t get out,
Until the time calls for it.

Never let your past get you down,
Think of the prospects for the future.
Never think that we don’t care,
We do more than you could ever think.

You are the rock for so many,
We’re all allowed to make mistakes.
You have sorted each of us out,
Now just let us help you.

My dear friend, you don’t have to hold it in,
You don’t have to break your heart.
You can’t always remain so strong,
You need someone to.

There is only one way you can go from here,
So start going up.
Its possible to keep going through this all,
Remember you are beautiful .

Hun - I wrote it for you ('cos I know you asked for one - and you need something to lift you up.)

I hope it don't make you cry >.< 

Tuesday, January 4

Dear each and every one of my friends, close, not so close, all of ya !!!

I was scanning through a few vids on youtube, and found one Tash Ter Braak's little monday song... well, 'Song About My Life Written on a Monday'. I must admit, it reminded me so much of you, each in different ways!

i just woke up
from the most restless sleep
i've ever had
i think i've ever had
just listen to my voice
i smoked too many fags
i should have listened to you when you told me i was

going to die
my friends know best sometimes
my friends give great advice

my back is stuck
i feel like throwing up
think i must have been just
run over by a truck
ontop of it my heart
keeps thinkin it's in love
i should have listened to you when you told me i was

gonna get fucked
i pick the worst ones
they told me stay away from the likes of you
but let's have fun

once the comedown stops please spend the night
once i stop thinkin bout suicide
see doesn't it feel nice
my friends give shit advice

For one, I feel like that all the time. I think my biggest one, is Helena, whom that last line don't go to. 
M'dear, thank you, the lines
 'ontop of it my heart
keeps thinkin it's in love
i should have listened to you when you told me i was

gonna get fucked
i pick the worst ones'

They relate heavily to one Tosspot, and the advice you managed to give me the second time around. So, Helena, thank you ^_^ 

Philly, Gawd girl, you make me giggle on the worst of days. I know this once related to the pair of us...
'once i stop thinkin bout suicide
see doesn't it feel nice'
I got you out of that state of mind, you got me out of it, and I'm getting even more people out of it.

Now. Deary deary me... I have a line, but I can't put a name to it. Wait. 
Jenny, Ray, I blame you >.<
'i just woke up
from the most restless sleep
i've ever had
i think i've ever had'
You two remember Caties 15th, right? Gawd, those jokes before you both fell asleep *shudder twinge shudder twinge* They kept me up (along with philly) for most the night, and gave me nightmares! 
Your fault. 
Love you really!

There were more, but my mind is clouded by chocolate... >.<
I shall update later, listning to more Erin K and Tash ^^
You'll have another set of lyrics.

Monday, January 3


So I'm bored. Epicly bored.
And talking to one Miss Hannah, who introduced me to things like Fishy Fishy, and 10 little penguins, mostly Peter Weatherall things.
Good mix? Nah. Makes me more hyper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gawd, did I really just do that? ^^^

Hannah. You be going to get a bit of a haunting at school. Your fault.
And it shall be Peter Weatherall stuff.
10 little penguins sitting in a row, einie meine minie and mo, flim and flam with their big hats on, patrick rodger timmiy and Brave little Tom

The polygon song,
Photosynthisis song
Hip Hip Hooray, for DNA

Hannah, your fault. Don't blame me!!!!

For good.

I've got a good few friends who really do need to have a read of this song (Okay, its a little cheesy, but for the three of them, its utterly true. They have changed me for the better)

"I've heard it said
that people come into our lives
for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
and we are lead to those
who help us most to grow
if we let them and we help them in return
Well i dont know if i believe that's true
But i know i'm who i am today
because i knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
halfway through the wood.
Who can say if i've been changed for the better
but, because i knew you
I have been changed for good.

It well may be
that we will never meet again in this lifetime
so let me say before we part
so much of me is made from what i learned from you
You'll be with me
like a hand print on my heart
Now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
by being my friend

Like a ship blown from it's mooring
by a wind off the sea
like a seed dropped by a sky bird
in a distant wood
Who can say if i've been changed for the better?
But because i knew you

because i knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air i ask forgiveness
for the things i've done you blame me for

But then i guess we know there's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter any more

Like a comet pulled from orbit
(like a ship blown from its mooring)
As it passes a sun
(By a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder
(Like a seed dropped by a bird)
Halfway through the wood
(in a wood)

Who can say if i've been changed for the better?
I do believe i have been changed for the better

And because i knew you

because i knew you

because i knew you,
I have been changed...
for... good"

My first person, friend, would be Ray. Now, Ray, you've been there for years, always just listning, always caring... and always accepting. Nothing has really changed, y'know. I still care about you for a whole bloody lot, and trust me, your music taste has seriously gotten into mine. But y'know, I love you all the same. You've helped me grow into this abstract girl that I am today, this strange listener who will sit and be leaned on, all because I had your support. You were my rock when Dad first went into hospital, and You will always be my rock for that reason. Your always up for listning to me when I need it, when I'm stuck in myself, and in my mask. You know that I'm agnostic, yet, whenever I pray, your always in them ^^ 
I can and will never take your friendship for granted, and you just remember, its a double sided friendship ^_^

Seccond wonderful person is my dear friend Helena. Goodness girl, you've helped me so damned much, first with the whole SH issues, and now with this ever going tosspot issue. I mean, I know we've been friends for what, a year and a bit? Two years? But my dear, I owe you so ever so much. You've listened, you've used my credit and you've helped me break up with the tosspot. All that seriously means alot to me. You remember to just keep giving me those kicks up the backside to go talk to that Mr Duffy, and hopefully, we shall be good ^^. But you've been there, and you have changed me. You've given me the courage to talk to people that I've not talked to for years, you've given me the courage to smile when I don't have the mask up, and you've given me a chance to laugh at silly little things, like when it starts snowing. 
 (bit off topic, sorry hun, but it has. Its started to snow!) 
Hopefully, all is better with you, and I hope to see you up, bright and early, in school tommorow, partly so that I have a reason to go and nick Joes spot >.<

And Nina. God, Kidnap, you wonderful girl, Although its been just under two months, you've cheered me up many a time. You've helped me with some of my deepest problems, that I can't tell anyone else. You've made me smile over Mocks, where I felt like all hope was lost, you've renewed my love of socks, enhanced my love of panda's, and helped me smile many a time. Thanks to you, I've gotten through the end of 2010 without any more hurt, because you've been there to listen and help in a time when no-one else can. And, I can't leave out the majorly amazing phone conversations that we've had. I just hope and pray that all gets better for you. I'm always here if you need me, and if you need to yell at someone, you just pick up the phone and do so! 'cos hun, you need something other than just yourself, you need your own rock, your own someone to keep you sane. If that ain't already gone >.< Mine has =P Don't you worry 'bout your GCSE's, I promise that once I'm done with my revision guides, I'll send them down to you. If you don't need them, you just send 'em back ^^ 
Kidnap? Smile !!!! NINJA!!!
I love you to bits Kidnap, Like Panda's!

Alrighty then, so, last minuet thank you to all three of you wonderful people. You've gotten me through these evil times, and I hope you will have an amazing year, get through what you need to (Helena, Ray, good luck with the summer >.<) and so on and so forth. Love you all!

Saturday, January 1

Now, my dearest.

This blog, I must admit, although reflecting through the past year (and possibly a few more) is mostly dedicated to that girl that I started talking to... what, just under two months ago.

Although my year was pretty boring at the start, I can name a good few times, and several boring ones, and possibly even more stupid ones.

January - little happened
Febuary - Started talking to the tosspot (all explained a little later)
March - not all to much.
April - Still talking to the tosspot, TOUR!!! Ommg, that tour was just.. Amazing. Never will I get to do it again (bloody money issues) but it was just epical! more than epical! Way way way amazing! Easter (regret regret *cough cough* to much chocolate *cough cough*
May - Started going out (again) with the Tosspot
June - Fifteenth! Loved it. Well. Nearly did. Had it not been, well, postponed untill... July...Mum went into hospital >.<
July -Fifteenth water fight ^^
August - Split with the Tosspot, major reliance on Helena. Dad hit another real low.
September - fml. Ignored tosspot. back to scool, and GCSE's. Work Experience placement fixed.Mum quit smoking
October - Not to much happened.
November - Mocks. Met Miss Kidnap (Explain more 'bout that wonderful girl in a bit) Work experiance (where I found out that I'm allergic to some sort of bug) and so on so forth.
December - got turned down from the sixth form that I wanted to go to. Got a letter 'bout it. Fell in love with Wicked. Became closer to a few people. Mum got pnuemonia. Christmas.

So, yeah, it was a shizzle of a year, but God it had its good bits.
I mean, look at me now. I know what I want, I know where I want to go to in the next year (ish) and I got my  goals all sorted.

The tosspot (formally known as Philip) broke my heart twice... but thats all I'm willing to say.

Kidnap however, God, theres a hell of a load to say 'bout her.
Kidnap (well, Nina) knows almost everthing about me. Most my darkest secrets, deepest feelings, and yet, we have never really met.
We met after she'd started roleplaying again, had the odd convosation on that account... nothing really went anywhere. Then came the little boxes.
We started talking on there, and by the Panda, we clicked immidiately. That was about the time of my mocks.  Or, the first week of them. By the second week, we were talking on MSN, and by work experiance, we had shared our mobile numbers, discovered that we were only a few hours from eachother, and had our first major phone call. And what a call that was.
Laughing, concern and so on proceeded that, the pair of us took a bit of a down turn, yet we're both on the mend, both leaning on eachother, helping eachother each step of the way. We are still both discovering things about ourselves, and eachother, with eachothers help. Thanks to Kidnap, I've managed to get to sleep - although I don't think that it worked that way for her >.<
She is just the most wonderful person, and so many times I've been on the end of the phone call, just listning and helping, and thats switched more times that I admit. She's given me the most wonderful and helpful advice in the world, and gotten me through some really shizzy times.

So, my dearest Kidnap, Thank you. Thank you for the past few months, may we keep on talking and finally meet over this year, and I promise that one summer when I learn to drive, I'll be taking you away on a tour of some of the places I've been in europe ^^
 Start saving - I am ^^